Step by step

29 Nov

“I am so depressed,” I told my friend last week. He then asked me, “Why?” I told him that I have many assignments, but even then I was not sure if that was the reason.

The truth is I felt irritated with myself. It seemed like I couldn’t write a decent thing. I felt as if my brain had turned into useless sponge. My thoughts were unstructured. My arguments were weak. My English, gosh, I didn’t know what happen to my english. Worse of all, I thought my writings could send people to sleep. When I read articles, I started asking myself questions like “Gosh, why can’t you write like this? It’s not that difficult, is it?” to “How the hell are you going to be a journalist?”

Well, the truth is, no matter how easy it is for others, writing is difficult for me. There are so many questions I have yet to get an answer. Debate article, which is not supposed to consume so much time, has taken me days and I am still counting. How to make it balance? How to give another side of the story when I personally prefer one of the options? How make it interesting? Which word? What style? How to start? How to end? What is the Economist style when even in one edition, there are so many articles written in different styles? Article is so different from essay writing that I used to do.

Luckily after I shed litres of tears on one sleepless night watching a japanese series on Youtube, I started to see the light. I think one reason is because, even though not for the right reason, crying is good for releasing tension (crying in a movie is kind of lame, isn’t it?).  Another is because of the poem “Step by Step” shown there. It was written by Aya, a Japanese girl who struggled to be optimistic eventhough she had an incurable disease.

It started getting to me that there was no way I could write like Economist’s journalists within two months. All I can do is to at least try to be like one. They might have written hundreds or thousands of articles to get to the quality they have now. “Even Picasso had to draw many paintings, basic paintings, for years before he started to draw his fantastic later works,” my boyfriend used to say. 

I start to understand what Gary told the class, “Don’t compete with others, compete with yourself.” As long as there is improvement, it is good. Step by step, because there is no other way.

Step by Step – Ikeuchi Aya

When my existence sees to disappear,
I will look for the place where I can do the best I can.
From now on, I’ll deliberate slowly,
I won’t be impatient.
I won’t be greedy.
I won’t give up.
Because everyone takes things step by step.


4 Responses to “Step by step”

  1. braveman November 29, 2006 at 6:46 pm #

    Hi Mari

    say hello to you 😀


  2. isadikin November 29, 2006 at 7:59 pm #

    don’t give up
    ’cause you have friends
    don’t give up
    you’re not the only one
    don’t give up
    no reason to be ashamed
    don’t give up
    you still have us
    don’t give up now
    we’re proud of who you are
    don’t give up
    you know it’s never been easy
    don’t give up
    ’cause I believe there’s a place
    there’s a place where we belong

    -“don’t give up”, peter gabriel and kate bush

    don’t give up honeyhoney 😀

  3. JD November 30, 2006 at 12:30 am #

    Yo babe…

    Don’t ever compare or else u will depressed… There is a Chinese saying, ” I shan hai yu i shan gao” = There is always higher mountain out there…

    The most important thing is improvement and perseverance… For people like us, work hard is the key of success beside perseverance =)

    Cheer up babe

  4. mariani November 30, 2006 at 5:54 pm #

    😀 yeap. Cheer up!

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