make me talk

12 Dec

It feels weird that the semester is ending. It feels as if time has been fast-forwarded. I can hardly believe that I have spent three months in Cardiff doing journalism. Well, not really journalism yet, but doing a little bit of writing and absorbing information. But thinking back, around this time last year, I was still looking for new direction in my life.

Many people surprised when I said that I was doing engineering before coming here. They asked me why. I could not really explain. But after talking to Lydia, an energetic classmate, I realised everyone has reasons and should be proud of them. Lydia has goals she relentlessly pursues, and she announces them to others. I had goals too, but I did not dare to announce them because I worried that I would fall short of them. One year on since last year, I felt like I fell behind.  

To be honest, my reason to do journalism was disappointment. This time last year, I was disappointed – with the world, with my situation and more so with my own life. I felt that if it kept going that way, I would live a wasteful life – born and die quietly without stirring anything along the way. I wanted to be useful somehow. I wanted to make the world a better place. Making bigger capacity harddrive for computer freaks to play their latest game was not satisfying. That was when I thought of journalism. It is a useful job. It changes people’s lives.

But since I came to Cardiff, I have been asking myself “Are you made to do this?” This new experience is totally out of the comfort zone. Very exciting but tough. I do not have the normal journalist’s trait that seemed very obvious among the journalists and my teachers, the liking to talk.

I do not talk much to new people. I like talking with friends or with talkactive people. But I find it rather challenging to initiate a conversation. I wanted to train myself to talk, but I can’t say I’ve made any progress. I have not even talked to half of my classmates. I think next semester, when I have to do interviews, I will just freeze to death because of anxiety. But one thing good is I’m curious and keen to listen. Tell me things, any new things, I will listen. But in order to get others to talk about themselves, I need to start talking.

Three months has passed, I started asking myself if I had not pushed myself hard enough. Am I falling back to mediocrity? I need to talk more.

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2 Responses to “make me talk”

  1. Yu December 19, 2006 at 2:03 am #

    well, I believe people communicate not only by conversation but thought. You are good at thinking and writing, I think you show some signs to be a qualified writer more than a reporter…

  2. Lydia March 4, 2007 at 10:35 pm #

    Hi Mariani,
    Thanks for slipping-me- in your reflection. What a suprise. Well, whenever you feel like a chat, please let me know. I’m just two floors below your hub. I know that you’ve got it in you and you are working hard. Remember, action speaks louder than words. Don’t be fooled (smile)……

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